Late night thoughts

The door dreams seem to have come to a halt. They have been replaced by dreams that leave me feeling vulnerable, and in immediate danger... It's disturbing. Last night I had one of my vivid dreams that I typically refer to as being a bit hallucinogenic in nature. I woke myself up trying to convince myself that I couldn't be seeing what I thought I was seeing. Even upon waking, it was hard to shake the feeling, and the images that were tormenting my mind... I've dreamed this way all of my life.

Something is changing within me. I spend more energy muting my emotions, and disconnecting than I care to share. It's making me critical of the people around me, and of myself. I feel a little cynical...some days, a lot.

A very close friend of mine asked me if I was mad the other night... I hadn't called in a couple days. Honestly if she hadn't called me then, we wouldn't have talked. We haven't talked since... Of course I wasn't mad. I love her dearly. I just don't feel like I need to talk right now. I'm not sure what I need right now...

I'm in over my head.