This Ain't Goodbye ~ Train

Lyrics:

You and I were friends from outer space,
Afraid to let go,
The only two who understood this place,
And as far as we know,
We were way before our time,
As bold as we were blind,
Just another perfect mistake,
Another bridge to take,
On the way of letting go


This ain't goodbye,
This is just where your love goes,
When words aren't warm enough,
To keep away the cold,
Oh no

This ain't goodbye,
It's not where our story ends,
But I know you can't be mine,
Not the way you've always been,
As long as we've got time,
Then this ain't goodbye,
Oh no this ain't goodbye


We were stars up in the sunlit sky,
That no one else could see,
Neither of us thought to ever ask why,
It wasn't meant to be,
Maybe we were way too high,
To ever understand,
Baby we were victims of all,
All the foolish plans,
We began to live out


But this ain't goodbye,
This is just where your love goes,
When words aren't warm enough,
To keep away the cold,
Oh no

This ain't goodbye,
It's not where our story ends,
But I know you can't be mine,
Not the way you've always been,
As long as we've got time,
This ain't goodbye


Oh no this ain't goodbye,
Oh, oh,
Oh no this ain't goodbye,
Na na na,
Na na na,
Na na na na na na na,
Na na na,
This ain't goodbye

You and I were friends from outer space,
Afraid to let go,
The only two who understood this place,
And as far as we know


This ain't goodbye,
Oh no this ain't goodbye,
This ain't goodbye,
Oh no this ain't goodbye,
This ain't goodbye,
This is just where your love goes,
When words aren't warm enough,
To keep away the cold,
Oh no

This ain't goodbye,
It's not where our story ends,
But I know you can't be mine,
Not the way you've always been,
Oh no no,
Singin'


Na na na,
Na na na,
Na na na na na na na,
Na na na,
No this ain't goodbye

HAPPY NEW YEAR 2010!

There is something inherently good about this year... I have no idea what makes me believe that, but I believe it.

frustration

I'm wound tight, and I'm not sure how to go about uncoiling. There's no reason for this teeth clenching anger that's bubbling up inside of me tonight. Every little thing is grating on my nerves, and making me feel vile. I cringe internally, and immediately send up a silent apology...

support systems and connections

The following excerpt is from a blog that was never to be... still, I feel the message is one worth sharing. I have spent so much time stressing about, and cultivating relationships in the past several years... What I'm finding now, is the ones that mean the most are the ones who've consistently, and often times quietly been in my corner. The people who were content to hang back unless called upon. The ones who care about people they've never met simply because they are important to me. I've struggled against myself, made unfair comparisons, and generally took a couple really great people for granted. It's only in looking back, that you can see who's been there consistently, and in looking back I am overjoyed. The people who've been there, and continue to be there, are etched in my heart and my mind for all time.



Today has been stressful. It's been about being unselfish, stepping up to the plate, and taking the responsibilities of friendship to a whole new level. Feeling your heart ache because one of your best friends is hurting... now that's a sobering feeling. I am not now, nor will I ever be a cold, callous, uncaring human being. I have so much love and affection for the people who've graced my life. The ones who have come together to support each other in whatever capacity they are able. The ones who step in and help friends of friends,even when they don't have to... Amazing people, all of them.

electronic memories

Retaining so much of my past on a machine that sits on my lap every day isn't always such a great thing... Damn you electronic memories. Why do you torment me so?

I so rarely blog these days. I'm afraid I just don't know what to say... I've thought about creating a new blog, an anonymous blog, but then decided I don't possess that kind of devotion. People who really blog put a lot into it, and it's just not something I can see myself doing. My original reason for blogging was to connect with friends, people I wanted to stay in touch with. All that is gone. So, I'm left wondering why I even come here. It feels pointless.

Let's see... what have I learned? I've learned that sometimes relationships blossom and sometimes they rot on the vine. I've learned that taking away the one thing a person wants most is an excellent way to clear the senses. It changes everything...for better or worse. It'll never be the same. And then I've learned that sometimes once in a lifetimes happen twice... if you're really lucky.

I've learned to enjoy solitude on my evening walks when everyone abandons me in lieu of other, more important things. In some ways it feels like going home when I'm walking the old roads. I breathe it in, and feel tears spring to my eyes... a cleansing of the soul... A time to accept what is, and what will never be. A time to be thankful for all this beautiful world around me. A time to reflect on what's important, and what needs to be released. A time to send up a prayer of thanks for those who encourage, and love me every day... I have been blessed in so many, sometimes unexpected ways. :)

It may be a long time before I come here again... It may be tomorrow. I just don't know what this means to me anymore. Certainly not what it once did...

strong enough

Turns out I am strong enough... July was the begining of something new. I don't remember if my last post marked a turning point, but if not, then soon afterwards. For the past three weeks I've been able to stick to a walking routine, and I'm teaching myself about moderation. I'm learning to live a new way, or maybe I'm simply becoming reaquainted with an older set of standards.

I don't know what's different now, and yet... I do. I've been given precious gifts in some pretty unexpected places. I've been blessed with supporting souls. :) I survery my current place in life, and discover it bears little resemblence to the destination I had envisioned...


The dreams have ceased altogether... I don't know if that's a permanent state, or if I'll revisit them someday. The last dream I remember left me saddened, but I believe it also served a purpose. I needed an apology, and even though none came in reality, I discovered through a dream that my heart had already fogiven on the most basic level.


I'm unsure of my future, but I think maybe that's just the way it's supposed to be. Besides...I don't need to know how my story ends. :)