Lakota Prayer

So very beautiful...

Wakan Tanka, Great Mystery,
teach me how to trust
my heart,
my mind,
my intuition,
my inner knowing,
the senses of my body,
the blessings of my spirit.
Teach me to trust these things
so that I may enter my Sacred Space
and love beyond my fear,
and thus Walk in Balance
with the passing of each glorious Sun.

According to the Native People, the Sacred Space
is the space between exhalation and inhalation.
To Walk in Balance is to have Heaven (spirituality)
and Earth (physicality) in Harmony.

...

I convince myself that it doesn't matter in the light of day, but when darkness falls,suddenly... it does.

Surrender?

I feel like throwing in the towel, waving the white flag. There are some things you can't fight for alone...

The Boy In Striped Pajamas

“Childhood is measured out by sounds and smells and sights, before the dark hour of reason grows.” -John Betjemen.





This movie is definitely one worth watching.

nostalgic

I miss the days of chasing fireflies, and believing that heaven was a meadow of wild flowers on a sunny Summer day...

I guess we all look back on a more simple time, and feel a little wistful. It's not that I want to live those days again. I just want to recapture the bubbles of hope and joy that sprang up inside a girl who believed anything was possible.

She's not gone...She's just tired of trying to convince the world that she's still here.

Disconnected

I'm still feeling disconnected, but I've decided that disconnected doesn't have to equal dishonesty. I can be honest about feeling withdrawn. It doesn't reflect my feelings for those around me. I love those people very much. If falling into them, and letting myself be carried for a little while would solve anything, I'd breathe a huge sigh of relief, and give myself over completely... Isn't it a shame that reality doesn't work that way?

In a strange sort of way, I think I'm learning what it means to live for today, and not some day in the future. I'm also learning that living for today means different things to different people, and that the meaning is subject to change within any given person depending on the events that lead up to every new day.

Late night thoughts

The door dreams seem to have come to a halt. They have been replaced by dreams that leave me feeling vulnerable, and in immediate danger... It's disturbing. Last night I had one of my vivid dreams that I typically refer to as being a bit hallucinogenic in nature. I woke myself up trying to convince myself that I couldn't be seeing what I thought I was seeing. Even upon waking, it was hard to shake the feeling, and the images that were tormenting my mind... I've dreamed this way all of my life.

Something is changing within me. I spend more energy muting my emotions, and disconnecting than I care to share. It's making me critical of the people around me, and of myself. I feel a little cynical...some days, a lot.

A very close friend of mine asked me if I was mad the other night... I hadn't called in a couple days. Honestly if she hadn't called me then, we wouldn't have talked. We haven't talked since... Of course I wasn't mad. I love her dearly. I just don't feel like I need to talk right now. I'm not sure what I need right now...

I'm in over my head.