internal struggle

I'm hesitant to post this entry written on May 2, 2009. It's not a pretty peek into the innermost workings of my mind. Still when I read it, I see truth in the words. A truth that screams for attention when I'm struggling with raging hormones and disappointments.


I'm out of sorts
slipping further and faster
every single moment that passes.

Rage.
Hurt.
Disgust.

Directed at myself.
My friends.
Everyone.

Doing everything I don't need to.
Wishing I could wave a magic wand.
Clear up this mess.
Make things nice and perfect.

Not gonna happen.
Not today
Not tomorrow
Not ever...

I am here
As I have always been.
You are the ones who move through my life
Through the very heart of me.

I sense change, that is not meant for me...